paying the price

i love the anime darker than black. not because i'm a super huge anime fan, i mean i like it from time to time, but i'm not super into it. but this one, i watch over and over. it features these beings, called contractors, which have superhuman powers, but after they use them they have a price to pay. each price is different, just as each power is different. some people have to do disgusting harmful things, and some things are just tedious and time consuming. any i know its silly, but i feel like the ed community is like the contractor community...we are bound to something beyond ourselves, and we do phenomenal things, but we each must pay a price and we pay it in different ways. well anyway, i'm tired of my price. i don't find the 'power' worth it. and i keep trying to change that, but it feels like i just have to follow what everyone wants, just like a contractor is owned and must do as contracted. ...the only way out is to die. 

new beginnings?

i am so stressed. so excited, but so stressed. i know that life is hard, and life changes are even harder, i am mentally prepared for that sort of thing...but it still sucks when you try so hard to get everything together and be responsible and good and make it work, and still it all finds a way to fall apart and say fuck you bitch. but its okay, i made a cross-country move on $200....i can make all of this bullshit coming at me now work out. i'm just going to have to attack back. life wants to attack me, i'll attack life. i'll take it to a place where it wishes it didn't exist. fuck me life, no fuck you! ha. there goes my binge weight baby :)