so i think i've said it before, but there are just moments where i'm like shiny. i don't know how else to word it/explain it. maybe its just a bipolar/manic thing idk. but what i do know is, it sucks. because you have these incredible moments, and then its over and nothing else can touch it. nothing else shines or glows or matters. its all shit in comparison to being in that state....and when i come down from there, its hard to see the point of wading through all of this shit just for a few shiny moments. not that i've had any shiny moments lately, its just been on my mind today for some reason...
also, in other crazy news, the moment when you know you're mad is when you're laughing maniacally and you don't know why and it sounds so crazy you're scaring yourself but you can't stop...that moment happens to me a lot. i feel bad for people who live me with or spend time with me and have to hear that. but i suppose maniacal laughter is better than maniacal rage etc etc.
....*sigh* i'm all over the place. ....i just feel like the more time goes on, and the more i try to hold it together, the more out of control i get. like i'm really trying here, ya know. really! but i feel like in spite of that, its all crumbling down. i can't even tell the difference between an aura and the side-effects of my terrible relationship with food...haha i like putting it that way. it just sounds so much better that way...so much more reparable.
la dee da, so this was random...fuck life!
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