the straw that broke the camel's back

i'm still stuck on that....what he did. he opened a door, and i can't close it. i can't make her go away. i've been trying and trying and her whispers just grow stronger and more frequent. its so hard not to listen to her, she who ruled my world for so long. she's even following me in my dreams, telling me what a worthless awful creature i am. i don't want to be awake, because there she is, and i don't want to be asleep, because there she is...i don't remember how to silence her or shut her away.  part of me wants to fight, and you know that might be what does it, fighting her. but the will to do so is not there. i don't disagree with anything she says. i am a piece of trash. nobody will every truly love me or care about me. i deserve all the badness in the world, all of the terrible things. i have earned them just by existing...i do not belong here, i should not be here. but i am too weak even to leave. silly, gullible me, i believe them when they say they love me and they want me. that person, who did this, doesn't exist anymore. but she's in my head forever....  every other time, i could lock her away after a day or so....its been a week. i have no hope anymore