a new year, a new...

its 2011. the hell known as 2010 is finally over. thank goodness. and i've decided  i'm going to make this year a lot better. i'm sure i decide that at the beginning of every year, but i'm really going to put everything i have into making this year bearable because i need to get off that ledge, ya know? the thing i'm gonna focus on first, is to become someone i can stand to look at in the mirror. because thats doable you know, and it would really make a difference. i know its shallow, to fix the outside first, but this is how i see it: when you get in character to play a part, a huge part of that is makeup/costume. i mean without it you're just you acting different. but changing how you look helps you really become somebody else. and as i'm sure i've said many times before i need to be someone else. i can't survive as me. so i'm going to look the part. and then i'll be the part. it really does work that way for me. i've put on lots of costumes and faces throughout the years....sometimes its the only way i can leave the house, is to dress up as someone who can. so i'll become someone i want to see, someone who can handle this insane life, and 2011 will be (if not amazing) okay