ugh i'm so hating myself right now. i am such a fucking little baby. i mean i have a cold. a cold. i know they suck, because duh i feel like hell right now, but jesus, its just a cold, i should be sucking it up, not wallowing in bed all day, and then gorging on pizza by night telling myself i need to eat to get over this thing. i may need fuel, but not that much. i'm just a pathetic fat cow. i need to get up do something. like anything. just move. as hard as i try, i still have absolutely no fire for living. i'm like a zombie. like my roomates want me out because i'm just a total slob/leech. and i want to change, i want to be in place where i can get out and all that, but i just never quite seem to get going. its always something. like now, with the cold. i just sit here and i whine and i say oh poor me, i'm fucked up so i can't do anything. well thats bs. i should be doing crap. fucked up people live life all of the time. i am not special. i am no exception. i do not deserve to just laze around. ....i could go on, but that seems like enough of a self-loathing rant.
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