too much

i seriously feel like i'm running around in circles, and everyone else knows where they're going. for instance when i go to the grocery store (or any other store for that matter), if i don't know exactly what i'm purchasing and where to locate it i freak, like i have to run out of the store before i start hysterically crying because i can't handle it (exceptions to this of course are when i'm grazing, but even then i get a bit panicky). and basically everything is as difficult as that. and i just can't help but think to myself, i'm twenty one years old, i should be able to take care of myself. but i'm not. i'm a grown woman, and i can't handle it. i try, and sometimes i even delude myself into thinking that i've got this but i don't, and i probably never will. most people who know me would totally disagree with that, but they believe in the act, the front that i put on. they don't see me when i'm crumbling to pieces just from doing a simple task. maybe everyone else falls apart too, and hides it just like i do....i can't know that for sure. maybe the whole world is headless chickens. i know i'm constantly saying my death is inevitable (correction, suicide, duh death is inevitable for everyone), but i just feel like i can't really go on for sixty more years like this. something is going to give. and every single day, it feels like that's gonna be the day it all breaks. because its already too much...