i know my friends love me, but they don't always know whats best for me. i mean any time i lose even a little bit of weight, they say i'm getting 'too' thin. even if i've only lost like five pounds and i'm still (for me) in the fat range. my fatter sister told me the other day that i'm at the perfect weight right now, that i shouldn't lose anything except maybe tone a little (funny though, she later mentioned that girls who have absolutely no fat anywhere and are just bones are perfect). yeah, no. theres no way i'm staying at this fat ass fleshy weight. i look disgusting, how am i the only one that sees this? so i know they want me to be happy and healthy, but thats not how i'm playing this. because in my quest to be healthy for them, i've stopped all destructive activity and its killing me. so i'm holding on to this one little thing. i'm losing weight, and i'm not doing it the healthy way. i'm going to starve, abuse laxatives, over exercise, whatever it takes to reach my goal and the next. i need this. i need this to not cry every time i look in the mirror. to not go completely insane. in this instance, bad is best for me.
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