right now i hate everything. i just want to close my eyes and have everything fade away. i hate my body that tortures me with pain and then craves and craves until i feed it, and in doing so create flesh that i loathe. i hate the people who i love, who in the end do nothing but leave me by myself to cry. i hate the sun for shining so brightly and electronics for not being reliable. ....i think you got the message. i fucking hate everything. i thought i was winning the struggle. i thought that i was starting to appreciate life, and actually want to live it. but the minute i have some time to myself to reflect, i see that nothing has changed. i still don't want this. i've just been so busy i didn't have time to think about anything. aren't days off lovely? i keep trying to make changes in my life, because i know that i can't continue on the way i have been, but its so hard to make anything happen. i try, and life goes "fuck you, you're stuck with this sad lot i gave you and thats that". well not really, but it sure feels that way. but i will keep trying, and maybe someday soon someone will put me out of my misery. a girl can dream ; )
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