a fairytale that isn't coming true

i want to be anyone but me. not because i think that everyone else has it so much easier than me. i know that a lot of people have it worse than me. but they have different problems. different lives. different bodies. and you know, that would be nice. to have different problems. i feel like my life is the song that never ends. it’s the same hell over and over and over and over and, you get the idea. the thing i would like most is a different body. that would be loveliest change. not because of looks. on good days i find my looks quite pleasing. like a doll, all smooth skin, big eyes, and a tiny mouth. it’s the insides that i mind. the bipolar disorder, the chronic migraines, and all the other lovelies. the constantly being in pain and out of control, yet having to appear neither in order to survive in this fucked up society and i’m suddenly craving a [veggie] burger…god i need drugs see? so,being me isn’t exactly the bees knees or whatever.  and i know, based on current medical data, and my own studies and experience, that its going to be like this my entire life and the only thing that will change that is medication. so i either need to be drugged up 24/7, or out of my mind ………its actually a bit of a toss up. its not like these drugs take me on a fun trip. they just help make me more boring and functional. that sounds super exciting…gag me. so many people try and point out to me all of the lovely things that i have in this life, the things that should make me want to hold onto it desperately. like people who love me. aww that’s sweet, but love doesn’t pay the bills. love doesn’t go out and work for me when i’m too mental to leave the house. what else do they say…ah yes, that it will get better. yeah, and someday my prince will come. life is not a disney movie. sometimes there are happy endings, but mostly there are ordinary or even awful endings.  so yeah, right now i don’t want to be me. would you?