i woke up good today. i didn't cry, i didn't pause to think about anything, i just did, and it felt good. but one second of inactivity, and it all bubbled to the surface and i wanted to destroy and emote and that was all there was....so i think that i can never be real. because to be real means to be something/someone that is unacceptable and will not last. i just have to keep all of me buried as long as i live, thats the only way i can live. and i really dislike that. dislike isn't even strong enough of a word. i would rather live no life than a fake life. but i can't not live. i don't break promises. so this is what i must do. i must be artificial. unreal. fake. anything genuine or honest must be suppressed. ......and this is really what they want from me. if they heard me explain it in this way, they of course would deny it. but make no mistake, this is absolutely what they want. they would rather me have ended my life than have me live a real life. nobody likes the truth of me, thats not the me they love and asked to live. the illusion of me is what they want, and so they shall receive.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment