you never noticed me

i love that song by saosin :)

but its also how i feel right now. i mean i don't put any effort into hiding how fucked up i am with food. i put effort into hiding other things, but i've never really tried to hide that. but nobody noticed. i gain/lose 20lbs every other month and nobody notices. on my petite frame, thats quite a lot of weight. shit, on anyone thats quite a bit. i even tell people that i'm weird with food etc. they know, they've been informed, and they've observed. but they still don't notice. and its not that they do and they just don't say anything. they for reals don't see. and its because they don't see me. they see the me they want to see, the one they expect to see. like when you read those messed up sentences that are spelled completely wrong, your mind arranges it they way it thinks its supposed to be so that you can understand it, even though thats not what it really is. 

i'm not gonna force them to notice me. i'm  just going to leave them alone with their sugar coated memories.