my brain is insane. sometimes i think i cause myself to have migraines just by overusing my brain, just like how you can fried your computer if you overload it. its like so intense in there, i feel bad if anyone has mind reading powers because they would prolly get traumatized. right now, i've got a million things going on. but one thing is, that i've got to either succeed or fail. which i know sounds completely obvious, like duh if you don't succeed that means failure and visa-versa. but i don't mean that if i don't reach my goal that i will be a failure, i mean that if i don't find a way to make it happen, then i'm going to have to make myself fail hard. like make myself so sick that i'll have to be hospitalized hard. its like when people are late or don't show up or something like that and someone remarks "she better be dying...".... that's the kind of shit my brain screams at me. if i'm not going to do things right, then i better be dying. or pretty damn close to it. objectively, i know that's like super strict and ridiculous, but i don't know how to not be that way. it'd be like trying not to have blue eyes....i wouldn't even know where to begin. so here's hoping i succeed, or succeed at failing :)
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