i want so many things so badly, and i just can't seem to try hard enough to achieve them. here i am, with nothing to do but sit at home all day and dedicate myself to getting what i want and i do just the opposite. which makes me really really hate myself. but i just feel pain and all i wanna do is make myself numb. i don't wanna work through it or push through it....shutting the blinds and curling up in bed is the most delicious sounding thing ever.....i hate myself i'm such a lazy lazy bitch. i need to push through. i should be stronger than my body. i should be controlling it, not letting it control me. i need to stop being a weak little bitch and hiding every time the monsters come for me....i will win this war!
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