today was just awful. i was doing good this morning, i had just one small apple, and i made it last several hours and i did fifteen minutes of pilates(had to stop muscles were cramping) etc, and then around ten thirty i just lost it, and i went into the kitchen and had a binge....the worst part tho was afterward. i tried to purge but its really hard for me to do, so i only got a little bit of it up, and i was really really upset and freaking out so i took a lot of laxatives and so i've spent most of the day either lying in bed clutching my swollen belly or on the toilet. and i still feel like i haven't got it out of me. it has to be out of me. i can't have eaten that food. it was too much, i know its going to stick to me like glue and when i wake up in the morning i'll be obese....this was the one thing i wasn't going to fail at, and i already have. i knew i should've just fasted forever....once i eat something i suddenly have to eat everything....and i was gonna have a binge free may dammit.
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