people don't take me seriously. i just realized that. or rather, was told so recently. and pondered it...of course after being pissed of for a while. i mean nobody wants to hear that they aren't taken seriously [and the way it was done was totally douche-y and totally uncool]. but i realize that its true. most people don't take me seriously. and its probably because eighty percent [random estimate] of what i do and say in front of people is not serious. but about the other twenty percent i am deadly serious, and it hurts not to have people recognize that. when you try and say something serious and then people laugh as if you were kidding. it sucks. but i kinda set myself up for it. so can i really blame them? no. i can't. because if theres a way to put the blame on me, i will do it. so i've done it. its my fault that people don't take me seriously.
pause.
wtf is going on.....okay, you know those weird pictures that you have to stare at really close and then slowly back away from so you see the 3d picture in it? and then afterwards, you vision is a little tweaked....well i'm tweaked like that right now, and i have certainly not been looking at any weird pictures....its just one of those i feel high with no drugs moments....calorie high maybe? not sleep deprivation. or could be one of those weird auras...yes thats it [how retarded am i that i forget what something is that i go through all the time]. fuck that means i'm going to have a real bitch soon. grr.
back on point...
do i really want to be taken seriously? most of the time not really. if they take you seriously, they look closer at you. and that gets dangerous. as we know, intimate looks into rachel do not turn out well. i'm such a fool, i've fooled myself....repeatedly. i'm always convinced i have these walls around me that nobody can penetrate and that they can't hurt me, but they do every day. and i let them. because its easier [safer] than the alternative.
No comments:
Post a Comment