how absurd

i know this is going to sound absurd, it sounds absurd when i say it in my head. i'm so fat, i'm crushing myself. yep. absurd. but its true, thats what it feels like.  when i lie in bed (i generally lie on my side) i can feel it the most. and i'm really heavy and it hurts. and sometimes i can't even breath, like my lungs are being crushed. i know i sound crazy, but this is serious real physical pain here. and it used to be just when i was lying down to sleep at night, but now its started to feel that way all the time. and its kinda freaking me out. i mean this doesn't seem right. i mean i don't think its an actual thing, that you can be in the "healthy" bmi range and be so fat you're crushing yourself. so i have to wonder if there is actually something medically wrong here, or if i'm just becoming psychotic and delusional. and either way, what am i supposed to do? i don't have money to get medical help. and how would i explain this to any doctor so that they would be able to tell which? because i know in the way i'm explaining it now, anyone would jump to the conclusion of psychotic and delusional...but this is the only thing...and usually when people with bipolar have psychotic episodes they are grandiose, and there is none of that. ....i just want to go out in the rain/sleet/snow/whatever precipitation is going on outside and melt like the wicked witch of the west. just have all of this horrible heavy flesh disappear, and me too.