so i've been thinking about what i would say to this friend to convince her not to give up. and the thing is, the more i think about it, the more i go 'why the fuck am i even trying?!'....i can't answer that question besides to say that i made a promise and i keep my promises. but hell, promises are broken every day, so why should a promise be what i try for. what i get out of bed for....it just doesn't seem like it balances out to me. so i'm getting back into where i'm thinking i really want to break that promise and just give up. and of course, thats not good....i mean by practically anyones standards, suicide ideation is crossing a certain line. its just not okay. i mean when i was younger, i felt that. it felt wrong to me, i wanted it but it felt wrong. and now, somethings different. it doesn't feel so wrong anymore....it feels like its right for me. ....so how can i tell someone that i love, someone that i want to be honest with, that giving up is wrong and they shouldn't do it?
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