i can't stand my own reflection. it's hideous. revolting. and sometimes, i find it so disgusting that i start to think that getting thinner won't change it, it won't make me any more beautiful. and when i get on that train of thought, i just think 'well what's the point in trying at all, if i'm going to be hideous either way?'. but you know what, its better to be ugly and thin than ugly and fat. as much as right now, and a lot of times, i feel like there is nothing that could redeem my looks, thin is always better than fat. maybe i won't be any more beautiful when i'm skinny. but it certainly can't make me uglier. and that's what i have to remember, so i don't give up. i refuse to be fat anymore. ugly is bad enough, but fat and ugly is double shit. i refuse to be that girl.
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