who will be there?

so i'm sure that everyone has thought about it. your own funeral. i've been thinking about mine, because i feel like it will be soon. and for a little bit, i thought it would be fairly well-attended. but i've revised that theory. yes, i have a lot of people who i care about, but that doesn't mean they reciprocate. just because i love everyone doesn't mean everyone loves me. although i have a great deal of good friends, there are very few who will go out of their way for me, and i think that if they won't go out of their way while i am here, then they probably won't go out of their way to attend my funeral. but then people are weird about death, so who knows. but i would imagine that my mother and sisters would be there, a fair number of my coworkers, and then like ten friends. and maybe some extended family. maybe. not that i really care too much about any of this. its just morbid curiosity. i know it doesn't really matter. because i'll never actually know what goes down after i'm dead. because i'll be dead. but thinking about this sort of thing, it helps you to be aware that your death affects people outside of yourself. its easy to get wrapped up in yourself and forget that. but i know that when i go, i'll be taking something away from a lot of people. something that they need. and i feel awful for that.