one good thing about having bipolar disorder, is that you know the depression won't last forever. it may last a helluva long time, but eventually you'll cycle out of it. thats the silver lining i'm hanging onto right now. because i feel like things have been awful forever and they're always going to be awful. i've done my nails twice since my last post. orange with purple tips and half yellow/half gold. so that compulsion hasn't passed obviously. other than that strangeness i don't feel any less depressed. i have all of these important time sensitive matters to deal with and when it comes time to do them i am just out of energy. i need to find a way to get medication, but getting out of my pjs and into regular clothes is a major chore. right after i have to lay down. and maybe take a five hour nap. i just keep telling myself, 'this can't last forever....you'll cycle out of it soon'. and even though i know that to be true i have a hard time believing it will be soon enough. being like this really ruins a persons life. it gets you kicked out of school, fired from work, your friends leave you....i mean i don't have a job anymore but i am on the verge of flunking out of school (again) and therefore cutting off my only income source. and how does one survive without money? not very well. its enough to make a girl wish she was manic....
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