food on the brain

i can't sleep, so i had a cup of tea and i added two sugars because i felt a little dizzy, and now i just feel revolting!  maybe its all in my head, but from that one drink i feel all nauseas and bloated and like i stuffed too damn much into my face. which is weird, because i can stuff a weeks worth of food into my yapper in one sitting (and did all weekend). and the most hated thing, as awful as i feel right now from that one cup of tea, i still want to go upstairs to the kitchen and gorge myself on anything that nobody will notice missing. i'm such a crazy food theif! i'm not going to do it of course, but i want to. so much. i wonder if i'll ever ever mentally not want to binge constanly, at least while i'm in a depressed state. i sure as hell hope so. there is no real general line to this post, i just can't sleep because i feel so yuck and i have food on the brain. awful combo.  those two sugars are making me really paranoid too. or maybe i'm just really paranoid right now and thats something to be paranoid about but i feel like just because of that, i'll have put on weight when i check the scale in the morning. i'm frightened to find out what the number is. its already large enough you know, i don't need it climbing up! so i really hope this is just me being crazy, and two sugars are not going to cause me to put on weight, when i haven't eaten for two days. we shall see...at least i've stopped obsessing over thisiswhyyou'refat.com...there's a sick obsession if i ever had one.