today i reached a new low. i asked someone if they though a drug dealer would sell mood stabilizers because i think that would be easier...and i was serious. i really fucking need medication. i hate being this low for this long...and every time i seem to be cycling up the next day i'm down twice as hard....not only am i miserable, but i seriously can't function. just getting out of bed and doing things like taking a shower are huge acheivements...i'm flunking school, i had to quit my job because they were going to fire me....this is not living.
i just have to find a legit way to get medications so i can actually start living...otherwise i'm going to actually kill myself. i just don't know what options i have. the state rejected me for aid, nobody accepts my jacked up insurance company, and i don't have any money to spend on it myself. if i wasn't moving at the speed of a snail maybe i would have this figured out already....
fuck
my
illness
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